i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
