i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize