where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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