She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
