then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
