I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
