If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You're like the curious george of whores
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
