I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
