If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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