I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
