I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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