i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
