At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
