Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
