We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
