i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
