Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were destined to go to rehab together
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
