Screwed.edu
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
