i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
