I only kidnapped one of them. chill
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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