he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
