After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
