the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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