I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
