she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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