I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
