We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
