I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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