My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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