Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it hurts more in the daytime
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
