with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
