I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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