You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
