you have to choose: penises or morals?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
