Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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