Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
