meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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