i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
