I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
