He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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