If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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