Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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