question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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