My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize