Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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