The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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