I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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