Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We are two peas in an std pod
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
