I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's always time for handjobs
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
