dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
