"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
