Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
