We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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