I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
