Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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