dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
