It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
