Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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