There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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