grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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