Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
