...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
operation harelip BJ is a go
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
