I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
