Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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