well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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