i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
