I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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