The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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