Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
