I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
