yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
