Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
