Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
