and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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