i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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