What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
